Remember Me With No Regrets
by B R Cary
Summary: Will a memory loss cause Alex to realize just what Bobby means to her or will it drive them further apart?


**Remember Me With No Regrets**

Detective Bobby Goren was about to head off to work when his phone started to ring. Since he had gotten in late the night before, he had not called his partner, Detective Alex Eames, to let her know he was back. Captain Ross had forced him to take a vacation week since he had not taken any time after his brother was killed, so he had decided to go to Washington DC. He had toyed with the idea of extending the invitation to Washington to Alex with the idea that the romantic atmosphere would lend him the opportunity to finally let Alex know how he felt about her. But then he had talked himself out of it and tried to tell himself that he was fine with just being friends, but this trip had convinced him otherwise. He had spent the entire time thinking about her, about how she always stood by him no matter what he put her through, how she always defended him to other people, how she looked when she smiled, the way she smelled, about how her lips would feel if kissed her. He had been thinking about that one quite a lot. He knew he had to tell her how he felt. He just hoped that she felt the same.

Quickly making his way to the desk, Bobby picked up the handset of the still ringing phone. "Hello."

"May I speak to Detective Robert Goren?"

Since he did not recognize the voice, Bobby said cautiously, "This is Detective Goren."

"Detective Goren, my name is Dr. Noelle Matthews. I'm calling from Manhattan Memorial Hospital where, I regret to inform you, that your partner, Alex Eames, was brought last after being shot."

Absolute terror hit Bobby at what Dr. Matthews had just told him. He knew that he could not lose Alex. "Is she . . .?" he asked softly, unable to bring himself to say the word.

"She is doing fine, Detective Goren. She was hit once in the shoulder and another bullet grazed her forehead. We had her in ICU overnight for observation, but we are moving her to a private room this morning. I tried to call you last night since you are listed as Detective Eames' emergency contact, but you were not home," Dr. Matthews replied.

Bobby glanced over at his answering machine, on which the message light was blinking. "I just got back from vacation. When can I see her?"

"Anytime. The nurses should be moving Detective Eames sometime in the next half an hour. I'll inform the nurses' station that you are coming in."

"Thank you, Dr. Matthews," Bobby said, then hung up the phone, muttering to himself as he did, "I knew I should never have gone on vacation." He grabbed his trench coat off the coat rack and practically ran out the door.

XXXXXXX

Slowly waking up and opening her eyes, the woman looked at her surroundings. She was in a white room and in the air was the distinct aroma of antiseptic. Her left arm was attached to an I.V. drip. She tried to move, but a sharp pain in her shoulder held her still. Glancing down, she noticed a white bandage visible under the edge of the hospital gown she was wearing and covering her left shoulder. Her forehead started to itch and as she reached up to scratch it, she discovered another bandage there. She tried to remember what caused her to end up in the hospital, but no matter how hard she tried, nothing came to mind. She was still trying to recall anything she could when the door opened and a tall, dark-haired main entered the room. He was incredibly handsome and the black suit he was wearing emphasized his broad-shouldered frame. The man gave a small smile when he saw her looking at him, which made him even better looking. However, what drew her in the most were the man's intense, brown eyes. "How are you feeling?" the man asked in a rich, friendly voice.

The woman looked more closely at the man and assumed that, although he was not wearing a lab coat, he must be a doctor. "I'm in some pain."

The man closed his eyes for a moment, almost like he was the one in pain. Then he opened them and looked at the floor. "Eames, I'm so sorry. I should have been there."

Suddenly the woman was confused again. Maybe this man was not the doctor. But even through her confusion, she noticed that the man had called her 'Eames'. Just to make sure he was indeed addressing her, though she was the only other person in the room, she said, "If you don't mind my asking, who are you talking to?"

A look of hurt crossed the man's face. "Come on, Eames. I know you are probably mad at me, but pretending not to know me isn't at all like you."

"No, you misunderstood. I really don't know who you are."

"The shot to your head must have caused you to lose your memory," the man said as the hurt on his face was replaced by understanding. "Dr. Matthews didn't mention that."

The woman's eyes opened really wide as she was not sure she had heard the man correctly. "Did you just say that I had been shot? How did that happen?"

"To be honest, I am not too clear myself on what happened. I got a call this morning informing me that you had been brought to the hospital last night after you had been shot once in the shoulder and that another bullet had grazed your head. When I got here, the doctor said that you had been found outside your house after someone had heard the shots."

"Why would you be notified about me being in the hospital?" the woman asked, wondering why this man was here. He seemed to be showing genuine concern in regards to how she was feeling, but after just having found out that someone had shot her, she wanted to be sure of his motives.

"We've worked together for the past eight, almost nine, years. Your name is Alexandra Eames and you are a Detective in the Major Case Squad at the NYPD. I'm your partner, Robert Goren." The man reached into the inner pocket of his suit jacket and pulled out a small, leather billfold. He handed it to the woman. She opened it and inside was a badge and photo id issued to one Robert O. Goren. "You usually call me Bobby, though."

"You called me Eames earlier, but you just said my first name is Alexandra. Do you have something against using people's first names?"

Bobby laughed. "I've never really thought about it. I don't think I do, it's just that I've always called you Eames. When we first met, it might have been a distancing technique, but then it just became a habit. If it bothers you, I can call you Alex."

"No, that's all right," Alex said in return. "I guess things should follow my normal routine . . . if I could just remember what that was."

"Don't worry," Bobby said as he moved closer. "I'll be here to help you remember everything."

Alex was going to refuse the offer, but something in Bobby's eyes made her reconsider. "Thank you," she said simply.

Reaching out a bit hesitantly, Bobby brushed a lock of hair away from Alex's face. "Why don't you try and get some rest. "I'll be right outside if you need me."

Alex smiled and watched Bobby walk out the door. She wondered why he was being so attentive to her. He had mentioned that they were partners in the NYPD, but his behavior towards her seemed to indicate that they were more than just co-workers. Were they lovers as well? No, she did not think that was the case either. He had not tried to kiss her or hold her hand when he had first entered. Still trying to figure it all out, she fell asleep.

XXXXXXX

As Bobby stepped out into the hospital hallway, he picked up his trench coat that he had left in the chair outside Alex's door. He grabbed his cell phone from the pocket, mentally beating himself up as he did. If he had just checked his answering machine when he had gotten home or if he had turned his cell phone back on after getting off the plane then Alex would not have been alone all night. He was the only one close to Alex who was available. Her parents and siblings were out of the country visiting Alex's youngest brother, Charles, and his family who had just moved to England. _I should have been here_, Bobby repeated to himself. He took a deep breath and punched in Captain Ross' office number. When the switch board answered, he said, "Michelle, this is Bobby. Is Ross available? I need to talk with him?"

"No problem, Bobby. Let me patch you through," the female voice on the other end of the phone answered. Within seconds her voice was replaced by the baritone of Ross. "Goren, where the hell are you? Your partner is at Manhattan Memorial Hospital right now after being shot last night."

"I know, sir. I'm at the hospital right now. It appears that the gunshot that grazed Alex's head has caused some memory loss. I was wondering if it might be possible for me to extend my vacation until Eames is a little more sure of things since her family is currently out of town?"

There was a pause on the line and then Ross answered, "With your partner out, I don't foresee any problems with that. Keep me posted on Eames' condition."

"Of course, sir." With that, Bobby hung up the phone and went looking for Dr. Matthews.

XXXXXXX

Two days later, Alex followed Bobby up the porch of a small, but seemingly well-kept house. Even though Bobby assured her that she lived here, nothing seemed familiar. Stopping in front of a door, Bobby pulled out two sets of keys. One he handed to her and the other he used to open the door. He looked over to find her looking at him and he gave her a boyish smile. "I should have made you try to find out which key worked, but I figured you were probably tired."

Smiling lightly in return, Alex was once again struck by the contradictions that she had noticed in Bobby's personality. He was extremely gregarious one minute, stoic the next, but underlying it all was a deep compassion. He had demonstrated it more than once over the past few days. "Thank you for not tormenting me."

Bobby pushed the door open and gestured Alex inside. "Welcome home."

Alex stepped inside and looked around the house. Once again, nothing felt familiar. The living room was large and cozy with overstuffed pieces of furniture situated around a fireplace. The kitchen was off to one side and seemed just as welcoming. Bobby stood back and let her wander around the house as she tried to get a feel of the surroundings. After she had done a quick once-around, Alex stopped by a small table that had several photos of on it. Assuming the photos were of her family, she tried to recall the names, but nothing came to mind. Frustrated, she gave up. Bobby must have sensed her frustration because he stepped up beside her. Pointing to the younger family, he said, "That is your youngest brother, Charles, and his family. This one is your younger sister, Becca, and her husband, Scott, and their son, Nathan. That's your second oldest brother, Steve, and his wife, Monique, and their children. The other family photo is of your oldest brother, Bill, his wife, Tara, and their son, Matthew."

Alex looked over at Bobby. "Do I hear a little bit of distaste in your voice, Bobby?"

Bobby just shrugged. "Bill and I don't get along. Actually, to be quite frank, he hates me."

"Why?"

"It's a long story, but basically he thinks that you would be better off the further you were away from me. Sometimes, he's probably right," Bobby said as he brushed a lock of hair from Alex's face.

Alex gazed at Bobby for a moment and then turned back to the photos. She pointed to the older couple. "I assume this one is of my parents?"

"Yes, John and Margaret. They are in Europe right now with Charles and his family. I tried to call your family, but I couldn't reach them. They are supposed to be back next week, but I can keep trying to contact them if you would like them here now."

Thinking for just a second, Alex shook her head. Why ruin the vacation of a family she could not remember at the moment? "No, that's all right." She then moved to the couch and sat down. "What about your family? Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

Sitting down beside Alex, Bobby gave her a small, sad smile. "I would like to say that you know I do, but you don't right now. I had an older brother named Frank."

"What happened to him?"

Bobby looked down at the floor. "He was killed about two months ago."

"I'm so sorry," Alex said, reaching out to lay her hand on Bobby's arm. She had noticed that he had sounded a little sad when he was reintroducing her to her own family and now she knew why. "What about your parents?"

"My mother died about a year ago and my father died then I was 25."

Sensing that Bobby's grief over his families deaths was something that still affected him, Alex was quiet for a moment, and then she asked, "Have you heard anymore information about the person who shot me?"

Bobby shook his head. "No, but Wheeler and her new partner are handling the case. Wheeler promised to keep me in the loop. But I can assure you that whoever it was will pay for what they did to you." Bobby noticed the look of surprise Alex was giving him. "Sorry, when it comes to your safety, I worry."

Not knowing what to make of Bobby's comment, Alex said, "You would think that as a NYPD officer that I would be able to take care of myself enough that you wouldn't have to worry."

Bobby started to laugh softly. "Alex, I don't worry because I don't think you can handle yourself. I know better than that. I worry because you are my best friend and I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to you."

Looking at Bobby, Alex saw that he was intently staring at her with those gorgeous brown eyes of his. She smiled back at him. "Somehow I feel that I should tell you that I am a big girl and you don't have to protect me, but why do I get the feeling that you won't listen?"

"See, you're getting your memory back already."

XXXXXXX

"Alex, stand still."

"I'm trying to, but that stuff is cold."

Bobby smiled at Alex's comment, but he was trying to control a response of his own. Because the bullet had gone through Alex's shoulder, she needed help to change the bandage on her back since she could not reach it. So now she was standing in front of him with no shirt or bra on and a towel wrapped around her torso so he could dress the wound for her. It was taking all his willpower not to pull her to him and start kissing a path along her bared skin. He was disgusted with himself for thinking about such things while Alex was injured, but he could not help it. Needing to get his impulses under control, he quickly finished changing the bandage and stepped away from Alex. "All done. I'll leave so you can get dressed." He walked out of the bathroom and shut the door behind him. Crossing the room, he moved to stand in front of the fireplace. As he stood and stared into the black depths of it, he tried to get the images of Alex and him out of his head. He had been standing there for a few minutes when he heard the bathroom door open and soft footsteps walk out. Turning to look at Alex, he said, "Feeling better now?" He watched her nod and then continued, "Well, now that you have been settled in, I should let you get some rest."

A look of almost panic crossed Alex's face. "You're leaving?"

"I was going to, but did you need something."

Alex hesitated for a moment and then softly said, "I don't wantto be here alone."

Sheer amazement shot through Bobby. Alex was a fiercely independent person who disliked showing any signs of what she perceived as weakness, especially in front of him. That she was now asking him to stay showed him how upset she really was. "I'll stay, if that's what you would like me to do."

"I think I would, but only if it's no trouble for you," Alex replied, looking much calmer.

"It's not trouble whatsoever, Alex. I'll just stay in the spare bedroom."

"I have a spare bedroom?"

Bobby laughed at the amazement in Alex's voice. "Yes, you do. But I would have taken the couch if I had to."

"I really appreciate you doing this for me," Alex said as she gave Bobby a small smile.

"Like I said, it's no problem. I'm going to run home for a bit so I can get some things. I want you to lie down and try to get some rest while I am gone. I'll bring some dinner back with me. I shouldn't be gone for more than two hours. Will you be all right while I'm gone?" Bobby inquired.

Alex nodded. "Yes, as long as I know you will be coming back."

Bobby reached out and ran his hand down Alex's cheek. "That is always something you can count on." He stood looking at her for another moment and then walked out the door.

XXXXXXX

Later that evening, Alex walked out of her bedroom and into the living room. She sat down on the couch, pulling the blanket she had brought with her closer around her. Looking around the room, she kept hoping that something would start to feel familiar. So far nothing had. When she had gotten ready for bed earlier, she had to search through every drawer in order to find what she needed. All of this not knowing was making her uneasy. It also did not help to have Bobby in the next room. When she had admitted she did not want to be alone and he had offered to stay, she thought it would help to ease her discomfort. It had on one level, but now she was uncomfortable for another reason. Despite herself, she realized that she was strongly attracted to Bobby. When she first noticed the attraction, she tried to convince herself that is was just a response to the fact that she felt safe with him, connected somehow. That was explained when he had told her they were partners and best friends. With all they had been through -- well, from what little Bobby had actually told her - they must have formed a deep attachment. But she had realized that what she felt went past friendship; she was incredibly physically attracted to him. When he had helped her change the bandage on her shoulder earlier and she had felt his long fingers and warm breath on her skin, it had taken every ounce of her strength not to lean back into him. She wanted so badly to know how it felt to be held in his arms, to get lost in his intense, chocolate eyes, to hear that deep voice whisper things in her ear. Suddenly that very voice broke into her thoughts. "What are you doing out here? You should be in bed." Turning, Alex blushed as she saw Bobby walking out of the spare bedroom. "I couldn't sleep," she answered.

Bobby turned on the accent light that was on the same table with the photos of Alex's family and then he crossed the room to sit on the couch beside her. Alex's breath caught in her throat as she saw that Bobby had changed into a dark blue t-shirt and a pair of plaid pajama bottoms. Even in the dim light, she noticed the outfit emphasized his solid, manly build. Running a hand through his sleep-tousled hair, Bobby asked, "Would you like me to make you a cup of tea?"

Smiling at his thoughtfulness, Alex shook her head. "No, thank you. I'm fine."

Bobby gave Alex a wry smile in return and then shook his head. "Is your shoulder bothering you?"

"A little," Alex admitted.

"The first few days are always the worst, then the pain usually lessens a good deal. Of course, that's what I've been told. My own experience was much different, to say the least."

Alex raised her eyebrow a little in surprise. "You have been shot in the shoulder as well?"

"Yes, several years ago," Bobby replied as he moved the collar of his t-shirt over a bit.

Alex saw that there was a small, round scar on Bobby's left shoulder and she had to resist the urge to reach out and touch his bare skin. "What happened?"

Bobby gave Alex a mischievous grin. "To be honest, you shot me."

Alex's eyebrows arched even higher. Surely Bobby was joking with her. What reason would she have to shoot her own partner? A momentary sense of panic came over her. Maybe she could not trust Bobby as much as she thought she could. "I shot you? You're kidding, right? Why would I have done that?"

"During one of our cases, the perp had come up behind me and in order to get to him, you shot me to get me out of the way. I knew you had to do it, so it's not something I ever really think about," Bobby explained.

Raising her eyebrows again, Alex said, "We don't lead very normal lives, do we?"

Bobby laughed softly. "No, we don't. And that was only a couple of days out of our lives. We've been together for nearly nine years." At Alex's slightly shocked expression, he smiled. "Don't worry. Not all of our cases are like that . . . just most of them."

"I'm beginning to wonder if I really want to remember my life."

"You once told me that despite everything we had been through that you would not have changed anything," Bobby said quietly.

"I'm glad that someone remembers what I've said," Alex sighed.

"I always hear you, Alex. I just don't always listen."

"Typical man," Alex teased.

"Oh, and how would you know? I thought you didn't remember anything," Bobby teased back.

"Some truths, my dear Detective Goren, are universal."

Bobby leaned forward and asked in a husky whisper, "Am I really your dear Detective Goren?"

"What if I said that you were?" Alex countered. As a look of surprise crossed Bobby's face, she decided to act on the feelings she had been having. Reaching out, she ran her hand down Bobby's face like he had done to her earlier in the evening. When he did not pull away, she leaned into him and gently kissed him. Bobby still did not move away, so she deepened the kiss. Within seconds, Bobby was kissing her back. This went on for a few moments and then she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer.

"Alex," Bobby said softly.

Taking Bobby's breathless tone as a sign of encouragement, Alex started to move to kiss his neck. As she did, she felt him push her away. "What's wrong?"

"We can't do this," Bobby responded, torment evident in his deep brown eyes.

Suddenly Alex felt everything start to spin around her, but she also became more focused at the same time. Thinking back over the past three days, she realized Bobby had not done anything that would indicate he felt anything for her beyond friendship. She had taken his affection and devotion out of context. And just because he agreed to stay with her did not mean that he might not have another woman in his life. Quickly releasing him, she said, "Bobby, I'm so sorry. I should have realized that you most likely have another woman in your life."

Bobby looked at Alex with a sad expression on his face. "Alex, there is no other woman in my life beside you."

Alex looked at the floor. "So, you're just not attracted to me. I can understand that. I'm probably not your type . . ."

"That's not it either," Bobby interrupted.

"Why then?" Alex inquired, confused as to why Bobby had pushed her away if he was indeed attracted to her.

"Alex, you are the best friend I have ever had and I refuse to lose your friendship over one night's weakness."

Alex admired Bobby's integrity, but she was not ready to give up on this. "I want to know something and I want an honest answer. Do you want to be with me?"

Closing his eyes, Bobby was silent for a few seconds, then he opened them again and said in a voice almost too soft to be heard, "Yes."

"If you want to be with me and I want to be with you, why are you pushing me away?" Alex demanded.

The look of torment came back to Bobby's eyes. "Because you don't want to be with me."

"Yes, I do," Alex said as she moved back toward Bobby.

Bobby stood up and walked toward the fireplace, laughing humorlessly. "Trust me, no you don't."

Alex got off the couch as well, anger starting to well up inside of her. "How the hell do you know how I feel?"

"You don't even remember how you truly feel," Bobby shot back. "You're confusing gratitude with attraction."

"Did you just say that I am so grateful to you for taking care of me that I would be willing to sleep with you because of it? That is really low," Alex said.

Bobby shook his head. "I didn't mean it that way. Maybe you are attracted to me right now, but if we slept together, you would only end up hating me because I took advantage of that," Bobby said with obvious pain in his voice. "Maybe it would be better for both of us if I just leave."

Alex went back over to the couch and sat down. "Sure, fine, whatever." She felt Bobby's eyes on her for a moment and then she heard him walk toward the spare room. She sat there and tried to reign in her anger. Why was the man who had shown such compassion suddenly being so cold to her? Kissing him had felt so right, so natural, like they were meant to be together, so why then was Bobby not allowing it to happen? His rejection hurt more than her shoulder had at its most intense. The door to the spare room opened and she felt Bobby move up behind her. She tensed a bit as she sensed that he started to reach out to her, but then he turned and walked out the door. As the front door closed, Alex let the tears of anger and frustration begin to fall.

XXXXXXX

A little over an hour later, Bobby was pacing around his apartment having a fight with himself. Part of him wanted to know why the hell he had pushed away the one woman he had wanted for so long. He had spent countless hours dreaming about the opportunity that Alex had presented him with tonight and he had just walked away. He was currently resisting the urge to go back and fulfill every fantasy he had ever had about her. But the other part of him, the rational side, knew he had done the right thing. Alex had never given him any indication that she wanted to take their relationship beyond mere friendship. She might be momentarily attracted to him, but one night of ecstasy would never, could never, make up for losing Alex's friendship and trust. Until Alex could remember everything they had been through, everything he had put her through and then still say she desired him, he would have to wait because it would not mean anything otherwise. Despite his reputation that would indicate otherwise, he had never been one for casual sex and he knew he wanted so much more than that from Alex. He wanted the entire package -- her body, her mind, her heart, and her soul.

Suddenly a thought crossed Bobby's mind that caused him to sit down heavily on his couch. What if Alex never regained her memory? What would he do then? He sat with his head in his hands for a moment and then decided that he would have to cross that bridge when, and if, it came to that. Until then, he would just have to be patient and hope that someday soon he and Alex would be together the way he wanted them to be.

Bobby closed his eyes and leaned against the back of the couch. Unbidden thoughts of how it felt when Alex kissed him came to his mind. He tried to think of other things, but his mind kept delving into the fantasy and taking him beyond just kissing. Moving to his desk, he grabbed a case file from the large pile that was sitting there, hoping work would keep his mind occupied.

That, too, proved to be just as unsuccessful. Sighing deeply, he decided to give into the temptation of using the one outlet for his desire he had been turning to more and more frequently to help deal with the frustration of not being with Alex. Setting the case file down on the table, he settled back into the couch to lose himself in the only substitute for Alex he knew he could use and still be able to look at himself in the morning.

XXXXXXX

A sharp pain in her shoulder forced Alex awake. Looking over at the clock, she saw that it was a little before six. Groaning, she sat up and tried to stretch, but her body protested. Sighing, she realized that she had cried herself to sleep. Thinking back over the events of the night before, she felt ashamed of her actions. Bobby had done nothing to warrant her anger. In fact, he had been right. If they had slept together, would she still respect him as much as she did right now? He had admitted he desired her, but he had the integrity and decency to know that last night had not been the right time to act on that desire. He had been wonderful to her and she had paid him back by compromising their friendship.

Sighing again, Alex got up off the couch. She could not stand being in her house at the moment, so she decided to go for a drive. After driving around for about an hour, she found herself pulling up in front of an old, brick apartment building. Somehow she knew Bobby lived there. She had decided she needed to talk with him and had driven to this building almost as if by instinct. Getting out of the car, she started to head up the walk when she felt a presence behind her. Turning around, she noticed a man walking toward her. Suddenly very uneasy, she sped up, but the man caught up with her within a few steps. He grabbed her and though she struggled fiercely, he did not lose his grip. Before he could cover her mouth, she managed to scream at the top of her lungs, "Bobby!" The man quickly covered her mouth with his hand and drug her toward the alleyway.

XXXXXXX

Bobby slowly opened his eyes. He had fallen asleep on the couch again. As he moved the blanket off his lap, he noticed his jeans were unzipped. Suddenly the night before came back to him. Alex had practically begged him to make love to her, but he had turned her down. Then after embarrassing himself by admitting to her that he indeed did want her, he left to avoid the temptation. Then, to top the whole evening off, he had indulged in yet another round of self-pleasuring to deal with his feelings and, as usual, it had left him feeling empty and desiring Alex even more.

Standing up, Bobby zipped up his pants and headed into the kitchen, feeling horrible. As he opened the refrigerator door, he thought her heard Alex scream his name. _Man_, he thought, _this is becoming really obsessive. Now I hear her screaming my name even when I am not fantasizing about her._

Suddenly he realized that it was not in his mind, but that he really had heard Alex scream. Tearing out of the kitchen, he grabbed his gun from the sideboard on his way out of the door. Not bothering to wait for the elevator, he raced down the stairs and out of his building's front entrance. He spotted Alex's car and frantically looked around for her, panic filling him to the core. When his eyes fell on the alleyway, he sprinted toward it. At the entrance, he went into proper firing stance and slowly stepped in. A black-haired man was about twenty feet into the alley with Alex in front of him. "Freeze. NYPD," Bobby called out, trying to keep his joy at seeing Alex still alive out of his voice. His happiness was short lived as the man turned around and Bobby saw that he had a gun to Alex's head. For some reason, the man looked vaguely familiar. Bobby's eyes locked with Alex's and he noticed the fear there, although it did not show on her face. He pulled his attention away from Alex and back to her captor, knowing that he needed to focus on the man if Alex was to get out of this alive.

The man looked at Bobby and sneered. "Looks like I am the one in control here, Detective. I could pull the trigger at any time and your little partner would be dead."

Bobby tried not to let the man's taunts effects him. "What do you think I will do then?"

"Oh, probably shoot me down, but that would be a better fate than the one you assigned me the last time we faced off like this. Do you remember me, Detective Goren? I have been so looking forward to renewing our acquaintance."

Suddenly it came to Bobby where he had seen this man before. He was a criminal named Oran Maxell. About ten years before, Maxell had shot several agents that had tried to capture him for drug trafficking and Bobby had been forced into a standoff with him. He had been able to hold Maxell's attention long enough for the swat team to rush in and capture Maxell, but not before Bobby had been forced to shoot Maxell's partner in the drug ring. The woman had turned out to be Maxell's girlfriend. She and Maxell had been trying to become the next Bonnie and Clyde. Like Clyde, Maxell had no respect of authority and would just as soon kill Alex as look at her. But he had to try reason with Maxell for her sake. "I know who you are, Maxell, but this is between you and me. Let Eames go. This doesn't concern her. She had nothing to do with what happened."

Maxell moved Alex so that she was directly in front of him. Maxell was not a tall man, so Alex pretty much blocked any possible shot that Bobby might have. "She became a part of this the moment she became your partner. And I'm sure you are wondering just how I knew that she was your partner. Just think of it as one of the downfalls of putting so many people into those hellholes you call a prison. All sorts of interesting people become your cellmates. I've been keeping tabs on you for quite some time now and when I escaped, I made it a top priority to pay you back for what you did to Sonya. I had been watching you for about two weeks when I noticed you had not shown up to work for several days, so I decided to make my move. The first two shots I fired at your partner were a greeting to let you know I was here. This time it will be as a farewell."

Anger replaced the panic that Bobby had been feeling. One of his biggest sources of guilt was that people were continually hurting Alex because of him. He was constantly fighting an internal battle with himself over the fact that he knew that Alex really would be safer the further she was from him, but she had grown to mean so much to him that he could not stand to be apart from her. He needed her as much as he needed air to live. Losing Alex under any circumstances was just not an option for him. Just then, he saw Alex move her hands, something she had not done since he entered the alleyway. He sensed that she was trying to tell him something. He saw her

point down to her foot and then she pointed to Maxell's. She locked gazes with him and raised her eyebrows. Suddenly Bobby understood what Alex was trying to convey. He nodded ever so slightly and said, "All right, Maxell. I understand that you feel you need to get back at me, but why take such extreme steps? Wouldn't it have been much easier just to shoot me?" Giving

Alex a quick glance, he saw in her eyes that she had gotten the message that he understood what she had in mind.

"No, because I wanted you to suffer as I had," Maxell spat out, sheer hatred in his voice. "I wanted you to feel what it's like to have something that means everything to you taken away."

All the times that Alex had been separated from him flashed across his mind and Bobby had to take a deep breath to bring himself under control once more. "I already know how that feels and I don't want to go through it again, so why don't we just end this here and NOW," Bobby shouted. He saw Alex raise her leg and stomp down on the instep of Maxell's foot. In surprise, more than pain, Maxell released his grip on Alex just enough for her to slip away from him. As Maxell turned to point his gun at her, Bobby shot it from his hand. Howling with pain, Maxell still continued to advance on Alex, so Bobby fired another round and this time the bullet hit Maxell in the side. Maxell fell forward, grabbing Alex as he did. He landed on top of her, pinning her to the ground. Bobby rushed over and rolled Maxell off Alex, making sure to keep his gun trained on the perpetrator. Kneeling down, he quickly checked on Alex. She appeared to be fine, just a little winded. At her nod, Bobby turned his attention to Maxell. As he applied pressure to Maxell's wounds, he felt the criminal's eyes on him. Bobby looked over and saw that Maxell had a slight smile on his face.

"Well, it looks like you won this round, Detective, but I suspect that we will see one another again."

"Yeah, maybe in hell," Bobby replied as he heard the sound of sirens getting closer.

Maxell nodded. "I'll be sure to save you a spot."

XXXXXXX

About an hour later, Maxell had been taken to the hospital under police escort and Bobby looked around for Alex. He had just finished answering all the local officer's questions and had given his statement. Alex had given hers first and Bobby was worried that she had gone home without a chance for him to talk with her. He then spotted her sitting on the steps of his building with her head cradled on her knees. As he approached her, he noticed that her breathing was slow and steady, almost like she was asleep. He laid a hand on her shoulder and she quickly sat up, startled by his touch. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to scare you, but you must have dozed off."

A slight blush crossed Alex's cheeks. "I can't believe I did that," she said, standing up. As she did, a slight wave of dizziness overcame her, but she tried to fight against it.

Bobby noticed Alex sway a bit and reached out to steady her. Looking down, he noticed that Alex's arms and the front of her shirt were covered in dried blood from when Maxell had fallen on her. "Come on, let's go get you cleaned up." Reaching down, he swept Alex up into his arms and carried her into the building.

Although Alex found she was enjoying being carried by Bobby, her pride caused her to say, "Bobby, I can walk. I am perfectly fine."

Bobby just shrugged. "Alex, you just had a dizzy spell. Why take any chances of a reoccurrence?" They remained silent for the remainder of the trip to Bobby's apartment, however at his door, Bobby asked, "Can you reach down and open the door? My hands seem to be full at the moment." Alex obliged, laughing slightly as she did. Bobby walked inside and reluctantly set Alex down by the television. "Stay here a moment." Leaving Alex in the living room, he quickly walked into his bedroom and over to his dresser. He grabbed a t-shirt from one of the drawers and then went back to where Alex still stood. Handing the shirt to Alex, he said, "Here's something you can change into. The bathroom is . . ."

Alex gave Bobby a mysterious smile as she cut him off. "I know where the bathroom is, Bobby."

Bobby's gaze followed Alex as she headed toward the bathroom. How had she known where to go? Then another thought crossed his mind. For that matter, what was Alex doing here at all? How had she known where his apartment was? A spark of hope came to him that maybe Alex was starting to regain her memory. Then he closed his eyes for a moment. If Alex was getting her memory back, then last night's confession might have ended not only their partnership, but also, more importantly, their friendship. He moved so he could look out the window. As a team he and Alex had managed to capture a killer not more than an hour ago, but could they overcome the tension that Bobby's confession might cause? He certainly hoped so. They had faced far worse than this together. Surely they could get past this as well. Sighing deeply, he heard soft footsteps enter the room and an even softer voice say his name. Turning around, Bobby was stunned by the sight in front of him. Alex stood there in nothing more that the shirt he had given her, having removed both her blouse and her pants. The t-shirt came to just above her knees and Bobby found himself staring at the bare expanse of Alex's legs. Swallowing hard, he willed himself not to be aroused by the sight in front of him, but it was taking every ounce of his strength not to be.

Alex blushed at Bobby's intense gaze. She could see his desire for her in his eyes, but by the way he was clenching his jaw, she knew he was trying to fight it and that he was fighting it because he thought that she did not desire him in return. She knew that she had to somehow show him just how deep her feelings ran. But first she felt she needed to explain her attire. "I'm sorry about this. My pants had blood on them as well, so I thought I had better let them soak before they were totally ruined."

"No problem," Bobby replied, surprised at how normal his voice sounded even through his hormones were racing.

Alex looked at Bobby for a moment and then said. "I wanted to thank you."

Bobby just shrugged as he had earlier. "I'm just glad that I was able to hear you scream my name. Which brings up an interesting question. I'm glad you're here, but how did you know where I live?"

"I decided to go for a drive this morning when I realized that I needed to talk to you. Next thing I knew, I'm pulling up in front of this building with complete confidence that you lived here. It must have been some sort of deeply ingrained response," Alex explained.

"Oh," Bobby responded, a bit dejectedly. "I was hoping you were regaining your memory."

"I am or, I should actually say, I have."

Bobby looked at Alex with a look of total shock on his face. Alex did have her memory back? When had that happened? "When?"

"When Maxell said that he wanted you to feel what it was like to lose something important to you and you replied that you already knew how that felt. I suddenly recalled just how Frank was killed. Then everything came rushing back. I remembered our first case, Nicole Wallace, all the crimes and conspiracies we've fought to uncover, my surrogacy, but mostly I recalled everything you have done for me over the past eight years," Alex stated quietly, her voice full of feeling. "So, once again, let me say thank you."

Bobby fought down the tears that were threatening to fall. He could not believe that Alex was thanking him for anything. He was the one that should be expressing gratitude. She needed his thanks for putting up with him for as long as she had. He took a deep breath to steady himself and then walked over to Alex. As he pulled her into a hug, he said, "I'm glad that you have your memory back, although some of those memories I'm sure you wish you still could forget."

"Bobby, both the good and bad experiences in our lives shape who we are. We can't have one without the other," Alex replied as she hugged Bobby back. They stayed locked together for a few minutes and Alex realized that she wanted to broaden this current situation. She thought about Bobby's confession from the night before and decided she wanted to know if he had truly meant what he had said. "Bobby, about last night?"

Bracing himself, Bobby asked, "What about it?"

Alex leaned back a bit so she could look into Bobby's eyes, but he refused to meet her gaze. "Bobby, did you mean it when you said that you wanted to be with me? And I want the honest-to-God answer."

Feeling like a deer frozen in front of an oncoming car, Bobby paused for a moment, trying to decide whether or not to lie. However, he knew that a man who claimed to put all his faith in finding the truth should not lie, so he said with as much torment as the night before, "Yes, I did."

Alex did not say anything at first and then she slowly broke into a big smile. "I'm glad, because this would be no fun if it was one-sided."

For a few seconds, Bobby forget to breathe as he wondered if he had just heard Alex correctly. Surely he still must be having one of his fantasies. It was impossible that Alex, the real Alex, could possibly want to be with him as much as he wanted to be with her. "Alex, did you just say . . ."

"Yes, Bobby, I did. Last night was not someone else talking, although you were right to stop it. I wanted you to know how sorry I am for the way I acted toward you. Most men would not have given it a second thought, but you had the integrity to know that it was not the right time. And you were right that I would have resented you, but instead my respect and faith in you have only deepened."

Again, Bobby was rendered speechless. How was he ever going to live up to such standards? "Uh, Alex, I'm glad that you feel that way, but please remember that under all this integrity I am still just a man."

Alex laughed as she hugged Bobby again. "Believe me, I am not going to forget that anytime soon, even if I do lose my memory again." No, she could never forget that Bobby was a man – an aggravating, single-minded, weird, wonderful, warm, sensitive, compassionate, incredibly sexy man. Looking up at him, her hazel eyes locked with his brown ones and she saw her desire mirrored there. Reaching up her hand, she brought his head down and kissed him.

As with the night before, Bobby was paralyzed by surprise for a moment. Was it only a few hours ago that he told himself that he would hold off on his pursuit of deepening his relationship with Alex until she had her memory back? Now she had and it was just like he had wanted -- Alex remembered everything they had ever been through and she still indicated that she wanted him. This had to be a dream. Life never worked out this perfectly for him. Reluctantly, he pulled away. "Alex, if we don't stop this now, I'm not sure I will ever be able to."

Stepping closer to him, Alex buried her hand in Bobby's hair. It was thick and extremely soft. She smiled gently and said, "Bobby, what makes you think I am ever going to want this to stop?"

"Because you have never given any indication before last night and right now that you have ever wanted to take our relationship beyond friendship."

"There have been so many times I wished that there was more between us than just friendship, as much as I treasure that," Alex admitted.

Bobby looked down at Alex and saw that she was telling the truth. He could not believe that she felt that way and he had not been able to see it. "I had no idea you felt that way. You could have told me or given me some sort of hint."

Alex blushed. "Honestly, I was scared. I was afraid that if we crossed the line between friendship and romance, we would lose what we already have. I couldn't handle that. You're my best friend and I don't want to lose you. But last night you showed me that you respect me enough not to let that happen. I'm not afraid anymore. I know what we already have is strong enough to last. We're just taking it to a new level."

Bobby gave Alex one of his rare, full-force smiles. "I'm glad you feel that way, because it's how I feel as well. I also knew that once we finally did make love, I wanted it to be more than a one-time thing. I want to go to sleep with you in my arms every night and wake up in the morning with you still there."

"I can't think of anything that sounds better," Alex said as she rested her head on Bobby's chest.

Taking a deep breath, Bobby decided that since he and Alex were being so honest with each other that he would lay it all out on the line, again. "Alex," he said quietly.

"Umhmm."

"I love you."

Alex's head sprang up from Bobby's chest as total surprise filled her body from his admission. She wondered how long she had hoped to hear those words from him, how many nights she had lain awake thinking of the various ways he might say them to her. But to actually hear him say them and know he meant it blew away every fantasy she had ever had. She paused for the briefest of

Seconds, and then said, "I love you, too."

Giving Alex another full-watt smile, Bobby said, "So, what do we do now?"

Laughing happily, Alex said as she lightly ran her hand along the back of Bobby's neck, "If you need me to point that out to you, you've been out of the dating game for longer than I thought."

Bobby's response was to capture Alex's lips with his. It was the most intense kiss either had ever experienced and it was only the beginning. Bobby began exploring every inch of Alex's mouth as she did the same to him. Never once breaking contact, Bobby walked Alex backward toward his bedroom. He cursed silently that he had not cleaned up his bedroom from the mess he had made upon returning from his vacation, but he never expected to ever have Alex in there. Alex, on the other hand, seemed more intent on returning his kisses than on judging the décor of the room. As she moved to kiss a trail along his neck, Bobby felt a deep moan of pleasure well up within him. Reaching down, he pulled away from Alex slightly so he could remove his t-shirt that she was wearing. Once he did, she stood in front of him in peach satin undergarments and for a moment Bobby could not breathe. She was so beautiful. Needing to get closer to her, he put his hand on Alex's waist and pulled her to him.

Alex suppressed a groan as Bobby's hands touched her bare skin. The fabric of the t-shirt and jeans he was wearing brushed up against her exposed flesh and made her quite aware that she was standing in Bobby's bedroom half-naked. She had just been wondering, despite her ardent returning of Bobby's kisses and being the one who had made the first move, if she was indeed ready to cross the line she and Bobby had toed all these years. Then she noticed how Bobby was looking at her after he removed the shirt she had been wearing. There had been obvious desire there, but there had also been so much tenderness that she had almost melted from the warmth. She allowed Bobby to hold her close for a moment and then she slowly slid his shirt up his chest, kissing the path of bare skin she revealed as she did. Bobby released her momentarily so he could fully remove the shirt. He recaptured her lips and kissed her with slow intoxication. Matching the pace, she began to run her hands down his chest until she reached the waistband of Bobby's jeans. Starting at the back, she slid her fingers along the inside of the waistband until she reached the front. Smiling at Bobby's audible indication of his pleasure, she undid the button of the pants, slowly and deliberately unzipped them, and pushed them down. Bobby stepped quickly out of them, leaving him standing in front of her wearing nothing but his underwear as well. Just as he had done to her, Alex gave Bobby an appreciative glance. She sent up a silent thank you that Bobby was the type of man who wore boxers because she had always found them far sexier than briefs. She met Bobby's gaze and smiled.

Bobby was awed both by the desire and love that he saw in Alex's eyes. No one had ever looked at him like that before and for it to be Alex after all she had been through because of him was mind-blowing. He just hoped that he did not let her down. Pulling Alex to him again, he lowered her onto the bed. He gently ran his hands over her body and began exploring every curve and valley. He lightly touched the bandage on her shoulder, wondering if he should once again stop and wait until Alex had fully recovered from her injuries. Alex, as if sensing his thoughts, took his hand and intertwined it with hers, giving him a gentle smile as she did. In response to her confirmation to continue, Bobby began to place a trail of kisses along her neck and shoulders. Moving further down her body, he found himself becoming intoxicated on Alex's scent, a mixture of lavender and something deeper and richer that he knew must be Alex's alone. As he reached around to undo Alex's bra, she began to stroke his back. He arched off of her a bit and slid the bra down her arms. Tossing it aside, he moved back down against her. When he felt the heat from Alex's unclad torso come in contact with his chest, Bobby knew that he would not last much longer before his desire was released. He reached down and removed his boxers and then proceeded to do the dame to Alex's underwear.

The moment Bobby removed her underwear, Alex knew the moment had come. She and Bobby were finally going to complete the journey they had begun so long ago. Bobby's lips once again met hers as he joined their bodies. The feeling was indescribable. As they began to move together, the feeling of ultimate pleasure only increased. It kept building until her body could not

contain it any longer. Giving into the release, she felt Bobby do the same. They both lay there for a few moments, trying to regain their breath. Bobby began to move away from her, but Alex wrapped her arms around his back. "No, stay."

Bobby looked down at Alex and brushed an errant strand of hair away from her face. "Gladly, but I'm a lot heavier than you are. I don't want to hurt you."

"You're not. I like you right where you are," Alex replied as she placed a soft kiss on Bobby's neck. "I must say that was certainly worth the wait. I've always wondered what talents you were keeping from me."

"I'm glad it was good for you, because it definitely was for me. I have no previous experience with it being this good for me," Bobby responded.

Alex was surprised that she did not mind Bobby mentioning other women he had slept with right after he had just made love to her. Maybe that was because she knew that was the difference. He just had sex with those other woman, but he had made love to her. Even without him saying so directly, she knew that was the truth. "Well, Bobby, let me say that I, too, thoroughly enjoyed the experience. I can't wait to see as many of your 'talents' as you are willing to share."

"Alex, I want to share everything I have with you and only you. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone or anything, but what I don't understand is why you would love me in return. You could have and deserve so much better. You should be with someone who can give you the kind of life you've always dreamed of. All I can do is bring you pain."

Alex put her hand on Bobby's chest and forced him into a seated position. She took his head in both of her hand and looked in directly in the eye. "Now you listen to me, Robert O. Goren. Don't you dare feel that way around me. I'm not someone who should be put on a pedestal. I'm human just like everyone else. I have the same needs and desires as everyone else. Did it ever occur to you that I might need you as much as you need me? I don't want anyone else but you. Do you know what bothered me the most about losing my memory?" She watched Bobby shake his head, then continued, "It was forgetting who you were. There I was with no memory of who I was and all I wanted was to know more about you. From the moment you walked into my hospital room, I knew that everything would be all right. The more time I spent with you, the stronger the feeling got. That should say so much about what I feel for you. You are the only one I feel safe enough with to fully let my guard down, to let know me for who I really am. Even my family doesn't know me like I let you know me. I realize now that what I was feeling over the past few days was the bond we share and the love I have for you. I loved you before I lost my memory, but the memory loss forced me to be completely honest with myself about how I truly felt about everything, especially you. I know that most of the people who have claimed to love you in the past have betrayed you or let you down, but I promise I won't. You say you trust me in everything else, please believe me in this. I love you, Bobby, and only you. There will never be anyone else for me."

Bobby was once again awed by the love that Alex was showing him. How did he ever come to deserve such devotion? For the first time in his life he realized he was experiencing unconditional love. Was that not what he told himself he wanted just last night? Alex knew him better than anyone ever had -- every fault, every flaw, every good and bad thing about him – yet she was still by his side, claiming to love him. How could he not believe her? "I believe you, Alex. And I promise you the same thing."

Alex smiled gently and leaned forward. She gave Bobby a long, deep kiss and then said, "I have a feeling that this moment is going to be one of my most favorite memories of all time."

Bobby smiled in return and said, "Mine, too. But let's see if I can move it from a maybe to a solid yes." With that, he pulled Alex into his arms and lowered her to the bed once more.

XXXXXXX

Alex woke up and slowly opened her eyes. For a moment, she was unsure of where she was. At that moment, she felt two strong arms pull her closer to the body they belonged to and heard a deep, sleep-filled voice whisper her name. Sighing with contentment, she remembered she was exactly where she had always meant to be. She raised her head and looked at the man whose arms held her so securely. Bobby's face was filled with more peace than she could ever recall seeing there before. Tears threatened to fill her eyes as she realized that it was because of her that he looked that way. Smiling, she bent her head and placed a soft kiss on Bobby's chest. "Bobby, we can't know what our lives will hold in the future, but I will never be sorry that you are with me. I love you, now and forever," she whispered. She had just started to lay her head back down when she felt Bobby reach up and run his hand along her cheek. She looked up and her gaze met with his. She noticed that there were tears in his eyes as well, but a smile graced his face.

"Alex, that you love me and have no regrets about my place in your life is all I have ever hoped for."

Alex moved up and drew Bobby into a kiss. "I have absolutely no regrets in regards to you, Bobby. No regrets at all."

**Author's Note: **This is another story that I had originally written for The X-Files, but adapted for CI. There is just something about Mulder and Scully – at least how I always wrote them – that fits Bobby and Alex. I did take some liberties with this story. I know that Alex has never shot Bobby, but I left that part in from my original story. I also am not really sure how many brothers and sisters Alex has, so I went ahead and gave her four as well as named them. I hope you all will forgive the artistic license. I also hope that you enjoyed this story.


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